(There is only enough room on this blog... for one of us,
and I was here first!)
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A Fine Morning

And it promises to be a nice day: maybe only 80*, for a change. And, I'm gonna try to take advantage of the lower temperatures. It's only about 9:00 AM and already, I shoveled all the acorns off the back deck, while my wife held the trash can, so they can be hauled off to the brush recycling center tomorrow.

And now, I'm gonna get off my lazy keester and hook up the lawn edger, so I can trim the front grass back from our driveway, sidewalks and curbs. Then, once I recover sufficiently, I guess I'm gonna have to cut that front grass. By that time, the grass should be dried enough to make that possible.

So, because I'm gonna be so busy, today's blog is a relatively simple one. And, if this is my last blog, you'll all know that I must have collapsed out there and you may have to settle on reading my archives, instead of getting a shot at new material.

Have a nice day.
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Fit...

If you read this without laughing, there may be something wrong with you, particularly if you are a woman... or so I've been told.... This is dedicated to every woman who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.


Dear Diary,

For my sixtieth birthday this year, my daughter Rachel (the dear) purchased a week
of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.



I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.



MONDAY:

Started my day at 6:00 AM. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was(?) well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a
dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines.
I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!


TUESDAY:

I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air -- then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's
rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!! It's a whole new life for me.


WEDNESDAY:

The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO
in the club parking lot. Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair 'monster'.
Why would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators?? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other words too.


THURSDAY:

Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late;
it took me that long to tie my shoes. Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells.
When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny instructor to find me. Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.


FRIDAY:

I hate that Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little cheerleader.
If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps!
And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the barbells or anything
that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a
health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?



SATURDAY:

Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice, wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and
ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.


SUNDAY:

I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter Rachel, will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a
root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!


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A Bad Day

Let me just say I knew it was going to be a REALLY bad day!

I rear-ended a car yesterday morning.........

The driver got out of the other car, and it turned out he was a DWARF!!

He looked up at me and said....."I am NOT Happy!"

So I said, "Well then, which one ARE you?"

That's how the fight started!








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Nuns and Beer

Two nuns were shopping in a food store and happened to be passing the beer and liquor section. One asked the other if she would like a beer.

The other nun answered that, that would be good, but that she would be queasy about purchasing it. The first nun said that she would handle it and picked up a six pack and took it to the cashier.

The cashier had a surprised look and the first nun said, "The beer Is used for washing our hair." The cashier without blinking an eye, reached under the counter and put a package of pretzels in the bag with the beer saying, "Here, don't forget the curlers."

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LEGO my LEGO's!

Here are a couple of pictures of some LEGO trains I came across. I think they were taken at the Illinois Railway Museum, in Union, Illinois, at one of their train shows. Just click on their name, if you want to know more about the place. And I'm throwing in a couple of other pictures of some of their full-sized rolling stock, just to whet yer appetite....


















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